Things aren't always what they appear to be

Uncle Russ had an electric motor repair and metal-working shop up in cottage country of Ontario, Canada. I was about 12 years old the summer this happened, but the humour of the incident didn't hit me til many years later. He was in the shop one day doing some ornamental railings for a customer. After taking a piece out of the forge and hammering it into shape, he left it on the anvil to cool, while he returned to the bench to continue re-winding a motor. The shop door opened, and a friend of his came in. "Good morning, Russ", said the friend. "Morning, Herb", Russ replied. The piece lying on the anvil had cooled to a dull dark grey, but was still very,very hot. Herb picked it up, and immediately dropped it with an expletive and a loud clang. "What's the matter, Herb?", asked Russ, "is that thing too heavy for you?". "Not at all, Russ", Herb replied, blowing on his fingers and waving his hand in the air, "it just doesn't take me very long to look at anything!!".

An Opportunity for Wit

This was related to me several years ago, and the person who told it to me swears it is true. The location is Heathrow airport in England. A ground level fog had descended over the area, causing delays for take-offs. At the time, there was an American airline whose company slogan was "The world's most experienced airline". So, there are a lot of aircraft backed up along the taxi-way waiting for their turn to get on the runway. Due to the fog, a plane belonging to the "World's most experienced airline" had veered off the taxi-way and got its nosewheel stuck in the mud, making it difficult, but not impossible, for the other aircraft to get by. As an Air Canada DC-8 manoevered past the stuck plane, the captain announced over the cabin intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, if you look out the right side of our plane, you will see the world's most experienced airline......having another experience!".

The "Latte" Factor

I just finished reading a soft-cover edition of "The Automatic Millionaire", by David Bach, who has written four other books dealing with money matters. One of the startling demonstable facts that he points out is that nearly everyone wastes money without even realizing they're doing it. Forget about lattes, and take a moment to see just how much you spend in a week on things you could easily cut out altogether or at least reduce. Where I live, a city of about 35,000 people, there are six Tim Horton's coffee shops, and they are busy. I like coffee, and have been known to visit "Timmy's" 3 times in one day. That's $4.35 out of my pocket. I don't do that often, but at least 4 times a week I buy one coffee, costing $5.80 in total. Now imagine putting that much in a shoebox every day. At the end of the year you would have $2,117.00! Even one coffee at $1.45 yields $529.25! Something to think about at any age, but if a young person of 22 or so put that amount away every day until retirement, my bet is that they would retire with well over a million dollars and substantially younger than most .

More Navy Humour

Back in the day, we were on exercises in the Carribean with the Americans, Dutch, and British, involving Destroyers, Frigates, Aircraft Carriers, and Destroyer escorts. I was aboard the Canadian Carrier, H.M.C.S. Bonaventure with HelAirDet HS-50, a Sea-King helicopter squadron specializing in anti-submarine warfare. My Buddy, who shall remain nameless for reasons of not wanting to carry on the embarrassment, was a Naval Aircrewman on one of the choppers on a daylight mission, around two o'clock in the afternoon. Our crew was standing by to service the helicopter when it returned to the ship in an hour or so. Suddenly, over the ship's P.A. came the announcement to prepare for an emergency landing, which automatically requires firefighters, medical personnel, and aviation techs to be at the ready. The chopper came in hot, flared, levelled out, and landed-no smoke-no fire-both engines lit, but the cargo door was open , and before the bird touched the deck, Buddy came out of the opening, running at full speed to the island, the aviation control center of the carrier, and disappeared down the ladder, leaving every one concerned about what was going on. A few minutes later, Buddy re-appeared, mumbling something about Montezuma's Revenge and the Rangoon Crud, (diarhea, to put it bluntly). Our Chief just shook his head and muttered, "In all my years , that's the first time I ever saw the war stop for that!"

A Little Bit Of Humour

A Chief Petty Officer was putting up a sign on the tool crib in one of the hangars at a naval airbase, stating that from now on, no tools would be issued unless asked for by name. As he drove in the last nail, a technician arrived. The Chief went inside the tool crib and asked what the technician needed. "I need a wrench", said the tech. The Chief went ballistic. "What kind of @#$%^&* wrench!!? Can't you read the sign?" " It doesn't matter", said the tech., "I'm going to use it for a hammer!"